Ever Tried. Ever Failed.

I had so many dreams of where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do.

You have your own story to tell.

Theater companies I wanted to start with classmates, movies I wanted to be in, directors I wanted to work with, stories I needed to tell.

I packed the life that I knew with socks and a toothbrush into my backpack and I slept on couch, after couch, after couch, after couch at friends apartments in New York until I wore out their rent paying roommates’ welcome.

I didn’t want a “day job” – I was an actor, I was a writer – I had to get a day job. I dusted pianos at a piano store on Ludlow Street for five months. I worked on the property of a Shakespeare Scholar for a year pulling weeds and removing bees nests. I went on unemployment once but not for long, I couldn’t handle the guilt.

Eventually I was able to pay rent for a spot on the floor on the lower East side, but my roommate had a breakdown and disappeared. I helped hang paintings at galleries; paintings that inspire you to think, “I could do that.”

And then, finally, after two years of job and couch surfing, I got a “job”. In application processing. As a data enter-er, at a place called Professional Examination Services. And I stayed for six years – six years.

From the age of twenty-three to twenty-nine; well they loved me there. I was funny. I smoked in the loading docks with the guys from the mail room and we shared how hung over we were. I called in sick almost every Friday because I was out late the night before. I hated that job. And I clung to that job.

Because of that job, I could afford my own place. My dream of running a theater company with my friend and fellow Bennington graduate Ian Bell had died. I had only the one window – I myself could not look out the window, it was quite high. No “acting agent.”

When I was twenty-nine I told myself, “The next acting job I get, no matter what it pays I will from now on, for better or worse, be a working actor.”

But something good happened; I got a low paying theater job in a play called “Imperfect Love,” which led to a film called “Thirteen Moons” with the same writer. Which led to other roles, which led to other roles, and I’ve worked as an actor ever since.

I didn’t know that would happen. At twenty-nine, walking away from data processing, I was terrified. Ten years in a place without heat, six years at a job I was stuck in, maybe I was afraid of change.

Are you?

But this made me very hungry. Literally. I couldn’t be lazy, I couldn’t be. And so at twenty-nine, and at very long last, I was in the company of the actors and writers and directors I had sought at that first year, that first day, after school. I was, I am, by their sides.

Raise the rest of your life to meet you. Don’t search for defining moments because they will never come. The moments that define you have already happened, and they will already happen again. And it passes so quickly – so please, bring eachother along with you.

You, you just get a bit derailed. But soon something starts to happen, trust me, a rhythm sets in. Just try not to wait until like me, you’re twenty-nine before you find it. And if you are thats fine too. Some of us never find it. But you will, I promise you, you are already here. You will find your rhythm or continue the one you have already found.

Don’t wait until they tell you, you are ready. Get in there. Sing.

The world might say you aren’t allowed to yet. I waited a long time out in the world before I gave myself permission to fail. Please, don’t even bother asking. Don’t bother telling the world you are ready. Show it. Do it.

What did Beckett say?

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.

We burn very brightly, please don’t ever stop. The world is yours. Treat everyone kindly, and light up the night.

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— Transcript made from a video (Are You Scared of Change) made by Mulligan Brothers

 

 

 

Swan Song

“It’s not the title that makes you. It’s not the success that makes you. The character, defines the success defines the fame and it starts right there! Championships aren’t won in the theater of the arena, they are won in the thousands of hours in the training room and the labs and the five a.m. runs when its raining and everyone else is sleeping – that’s when its won!”


When you guys find a fear, that fear will

either create you or destroy you. I love

fear. Reason why. behind every fear is the

person you want to be. Fear is self-imposed.

Meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it, you

can destroy it too. Its an intangible. If you

face your fears guys you’ll realize its not

that big.

You go after it and you give it all you have.

If you fail, at least you tried man! ‘I failed,’

is ten times more of a man that someone who

said ‘what if?’ Because ‘what if’ never went

to the arena!

Success guys, is a very, very lonely road

man. Very few people are willing to endure

the pain, the sacrifice, the due diligence to

be successful. Its an uphill battle. And along

that road you’re not going to see too many

friends. You’re going to see your shadow

most often. You got to trust in the heart of

hearts, inside, what you’re doing what you

believe in is a worthy cause, a winnable fight.

See the thing is, for many people they have

tried the same path you’re on – and they failed.

As you walk this journey you’re going to see

carcasses all over the place of people who didn’t

quite have it. That should inspire you because you

got further than that person.

Success – many will love you for it.

The majority will hate you.

Because your success makes them feel

insufficient in their current en devour. It

reminds them of what they could have done,

but they came up short and how they didn’t

revisit it. Or they went out and failed, and failure

is what stood and they never revisited it again.

The difference between a winner and loser.. the

failure is there for some time. Its just the winner

gets back up and does it again, and does it again!

Until it goes his way!

So now you’re down that path and you

are all alone – how do you know you’re

on the right path? How do you know what

you’re doing is in the right direction? If

you’re wondering if you are on the right

path, look at the small things of life. How

do you do them? When you wash your car,

you spend an hour washing your car,

you finish washing,  you put the hoses and

everything away and the brushes. You come

outside to look at the job you did but you

notice some spots missing. What do you do?

Do you re-grab the hoses, pull it all out and do the job right!?

Or do you say, ‘You know, that’s good enough. That’s good enough.’

The thing about good enough is, we don’t know if its enough.

Until the Nth hour, the final hour and everything is on the line!

That’s when we find out if it is enough.

And if we come up short… man doesn’t that suck.

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I promise you guys:

If today you never say, ‘Good enough.’

Tomorrow, you will always have enough.

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“What do you do when no one is watching?

If you do it then, I guarantee you’ll be doing it when everyone is watching.”